Love and Hate

Love and hate are two extremes of the same emotion.
I’ve moved from one extreme to another when all I want is to feel nothing.
I wish you didn’t matter.

– Mamello Maitse

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Soul mates

People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.
A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master…

– Elizabeth Gilbert

Wrong

But I could be more
Isn’t there more?
Don’t you dream of forgetting this?
Have we forgotten what we want?
Counting the wars and broken bones
Haven’t we lost enough already?
Isn’t this more than what it’s worth?
Have we forgotten where we came from?
Long way from laying in the dirt
And if I can only dream of up from down there
God, help me, I’ll be gone
Have I lost sight of everything I’ve worked for?
Did I get this all wrong?

– Eden

O wretched man 

There are those days
when shadows of
my lesser self
obstruct the light,
and in my groping,
Nephi’s words
reflect my plight:
“O wretched man … I am!”
With him I grieve,
and sorrow
over frailties
that haunt my
conscious mind
and tempt with
hopelessness
relief
I seek to find.

Yet there is One
whose light
will never fail,
whose mercy
makes a way
for my escape.
He opens up the gates.
His love can make me whole!
And with Nephi
I rejoice
and plead,
“O Lord, …
redeem my soul”!

-Phyllis Baker White

Lies of the heart

I’ve always lived in judgment of those who when faced with blatant truths about those they love fail to act rationally. That is until I found myself unable to comprehend the truth that I had uncovered…

What I know now that I could never understand before is that the heart can turn facts into speculation. Once you’re over the intial shock, the very thing you bore witness to starts to feel like a dream. The details etched into your memory suddenly seem questionable and somehow you convince yourself that you must be mistaken – the only thing that makes sense is that you misread things. But the truth is when someone you love “falls from grace” you “fall from sense”. Simple logic eludes you. It’s just easier to believe that you are wrong than it is to accept the undesirable truth. Because accepting the truth means confronting the situation and that is unfathomable. 

I am dumbfounded…stuporous. And even though I am well aware of my denial I am still paralyzed. It doesn’t change the fact that I want to be wrong; the heart wants what it wants. And with each passing moment the truth is reduced to a misconception.