Lies of the heart

I’ve always lived in judgment of those who when faced with blatant truths about those they love fail to act rationally. That is until I found myself unable to comprehend the truth that I had uncovered…

What I know now that I could never understand before is that the heart can turn facts into speculation. Once you’re over the intial shock, the very thing you bore witness to starts to feel like a dream. The details etched into your memory suddenly seem questionable and somehow you convince yourself that you must be mistaken – the only thing that makes sense is that you misread things. But the truth is when someone you love “falls from grace” you “fall from sense”. Simple logic eludes you. It’s just easier to believe that you are wrong than it is to accept the undesirable truth. Because accepting the truth means confronting the situation and that is unfathomable. 

I am dumbfounded…stuporous. And even though I am well aware of my denial I am still paralyzed. It doesn’t change the fact that I want to be wrong; the heart wants what it wants. And with each passing moment the truth is reduced to a misconception. 

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Jealous

I’m jealous of the rain
That falls upon your skin
It’s closer than my hands have been
I’m jealous of the rain
I’m jealous of the wind
That ripples through your clothes
It’s closer than your shadow
Oh, I’m jealous of the wind

‘Cause I wished you the best of
All this world could give
And I told you when you left me
There’s nothing to forgive
But I always thought you’d come back, tell me all you found was
Heartbreak and misery
It’s hard for me to say, I’m jealous of the way
You’re happy without me

– Labrinth

I found you in Him

For the longest time all I ever felt was pain…
Everything that hurt, I knew.
All things that tore the soul apart were mine.
My sorrow ran so deep, despair pumped through these veins.
I lost myself without you.

I lost myself without you.

I lost myself without you… until I found you in Him.
And by finding Him I found myself.
I found love.
I found peace.
Peace not as the world gives, but His peace.
My heart is no longer troubled.
Neither is it afraid.

– Mamello Maitse

Stay

I watched you walk across the room as my heart wept.
Stay, I whispered.
You let go of the door and paused for what felt like forever.
So I pleaded…
Stay.
Still you stood there – silent.
I drew closer and hugged your back.
You took my hands in yours and placed them against your chest.
You said nothing.
Stay…
The only word these lips could utter as my tears wet your back.
I wept…
You left.

-Mamello Maitse