O Heart

O heart, why do you betray me so?
Had we not agreed never to go down this path again?
How is it that I find myself here once more?

– Mamello Maitse

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Deprogramming

I wish I could deprogram you from my mind.

Despite your absence you remain in every detail…beckoning.

– Mamello Maitse

Sibling love

It was an evening much like any other as my 14 year old self lay nestled in between my brother (23) and sister (26). We were lying on the bed in silence staring at the ceiling when my phone beeped for an incoming message. I stood up to reach for the phone and attend to a text which read:

” Put your left hand on your right shoulder and your right hand on your left shoulder and squeeze tightly. That’s a hug from me to you to say goodnight!”

This was the first text I had ever received from my crush, who happened to be a senior at my school – so it was a pretty big deal! I fought so hard to hide the smile plastered on my face as I lay back down between my siblings but it was an epic fail! I must have zoned out for a sec because I didn’t even notice them pitched up on their elbows hovering over my face! By the time I realized they were staring at me we burst into laughter and I obviously had to spill the beans.

They started teasing, I was annoyed and wanted them to stop. But amid the banter and laughter my heart was smiling – I felt pure joy.

I felt loved.

Put your loving where your mouth is

When you claim to love someone, your every deed needs to show it. It’s in the way you address them, your tolerance for their imperfections, the way you handle misunderstandings, how you celebrate their successes, how you share their sorrows and how you cherish their happiness. It’s putting them before you.

But the reality is we are human, and we aren’t perfect. Therefore the way we love, can’t be perfect either. But, the beauty is in noticing these things…those moments when we fall short and deal with them accordingly. That’s where the true test of our affection lies. Are we as endearing in the lows as we are in the highs? When we hurt each other, which we will, can we forgive? Can we forgive and still love? Will our love grow or will it falter?

What Am I waiting for?

A man who wears his heart on his sleeve because that’s exactly where mine is. Someone who isn’t afraid to be vulnerable…to be REAL.
Too often we find ourselves caught up in situationships that abound in mixed signals, blurred lines and unclear intentions that you never really know “what’s good”.

Finding love ain’t easy. And once you’ve been hurt before you build barriers to protect yourself that you end up letting no one in. I have had my heart ripped to shreds…I never thought I would recover and I did eventually. But I would risk my heart all over again if it meant a chance at finding love. As much as love is about love…its about taking risks. Risks that may or may not pay off…but are absolutely necessary. How else will you know if its real if you don’t put yourself out there? Like REALLY put yourself out there.

Now I’m not saying lay it all out there for every Tom Dick or Harriss. But when you meet someone who ignites your soul…don’t let that slip through your fingers because you were afraid.

Originally written November 2017.